My Story of Healing and Body Positivity
I understand how limiting and detrimental the opinion we have of ourselves can be.
I was a prisoner to my weight, what others thought about me, and the illusion of body perfection.
Even as a Vegas Showgirl, at 30 pounds underweight, I still didn’t feel I was good enough, thin enough, the right shape or worthy of love and happiness.
After years of spiraling into alcohol addiction, self hatred, and depression, I saw a revealing burlesque show.
She Let It All Go
After my years in Vegas, I moved to Chicago and went to see a Burlesque show. They didn’t cast the typical Vegas Showgirl, she was probably a size 16, and she was not afraid to be seen. When she danced, she let it all go. She wasn’t holding back. She wasn’t hiding…anything, and the audience could not have adored her more.
This was the first time I had ever seen a woman loving her body, knowing exactly who she was while standing in her power, curves and all.
She was living, and that’s when I began my journey of healing and body positivity, self-love, self-care, and body acceptance.
You are Brazenly Beautiful and can find
Healing and Body Positivity too!
You don’t have to be a prisoner to the pain. I want you to strip away the layers that are holding you back. Now’s the time to start your journey on discovering your Brazenly Beautiful soul.
I invite you to read my story and how I healed the relationship I had with my body, began living, and learned how to be truly BRAZENLY BEAUTIFUL.
Mirror, Mirror on the Wall
I have been a dancer since the time I could walk. I learned at a very early age to rely on my mirror to tell me the way things should be. It told me about my body and my talent. I learned what looked good and was pleasing, and what was out of place.
I was a natural when it came to dancing. There was no higher satisfaction for me than the praise and admiration of the audience, even at four. This was probably the beginning of my torrid love affair with praise and criticism.
When I was doing everything right, I was on top of the world, if I received a correction from my instructor, I was devastated, especially when it came to my body.
If Only I…
As I got a little older, I used to watch myself in class. In my mind, I would think, “everything is perfect, except my tummy.” If only I could suck it in harder, do a few more sit-ups. I could skip dinner. I thought if just I lost a little more weight, I could be truly happy. I thought my body was the thing holding me back. I was afraid if I let my stomach go, they might figure out I’m not perfect, they could see where I hid my deepest pain. My fear, my doubts about myself and self-hatred were all right there, living just south of my belly button.
Too Fat and Not Good Enough?
As time went on, I went to great lengths to achieve the perfect physique, I continued my education in dance through college, and after I graduated, I was cast in a Las Vegas Review. It was a classic Vegas show, with feathers, rhinestones, and scantily-clad goddesses parading around under bright lights.
At the peak of my career, I was 30 pounds underweight, and despite all my best efforts to fit in, I was often told I was too fat, I wasn’t good enough, I didn’t have the right shape.
After a while, it got exhausting hiding from the world. I blamed all of my problems in my life on my weight. When there was criticism that endorsed my negative self-talk, I dove deeper into the hatred. I went to any length possible to keep myself in the illusion of perfection.
Eventually, I left the show, no longer having the identity and validation of being a Showgirl, I spiraled into alcohol addiction, binge and purging, and depression.
I quit dancing. I tried to navigate the new waters, but my intuition had been broken for a long time. I didn’t know how to trust myself. In trying to make my “gut” disappear, I forgot how to listen to it. I swirled for years in confusion about my body and my worth, a chaos tornado of my own making.
Revealing Burlesque Show
One day I was asked to help out with some choreography for a Burlesque show. I wasn’t sure what I was in for, so I went to the small black box theater and waited for the performance to begin.
With a sway of the big band, a sultry vixen sashayed onto the stage. She was luminous and sparking from head to toe in red feathers. She had a confidence about her, which screamed that she was going to perform for us, but she didn’t care what we thought about it.
She was probably a size 16.
She teasingly began to peel back her layers of clothes, and I began to sweat.
I was nervous for her, what would the audience think?
She was going to get naked, and they were going to SEE HER! I mean they were going to see her under bright lights and 10 feet from the stage. I began to pity and fear for the woman, anticipating the reaction she was about to get.
Let it GO!
About halfway through her routine, someone started to cheer. She smiled and coaxed the audience to cheer a little more. With every flip of her hip, her glove, her shimmy belt the roars grew louder and when she turned around in all her glory, face beaming standing nearly naked in a room full of strangers her joy was radiant.
It was tangible. I wanted what she had.
No Holding Back
When the music swelled, she shook all over. She let it all go. She wasn’t holding her breath; she wasn’t holding back. In other words, she wasn’t holding…….anything, and the audience could not have adored her more.
I sat there, elated, shocked, and pulsing with excitement. It was the first time I had ever seen a woman really loving her body, knowing exactly who she was while standing in her authentic-self, power, tummy, and all.
She was living.
Healing and Body Positivity – Self-Love and Self-Respect
After that night, the relationship with my body began to change for me. I realized I had spent years postponing my joy and waiting around to be someone else’s idea of perfect before I would allow myself to be loved.
I began my journey of healing and body positivity and focused on my recovery. I rewrote the stories in my head. I learned how to accept and have an appreciation for the amazing gift of my body. I found ways to grow in self-confidence, which included body confidence.
I realized I didn’t have to stop being sexy.
I let go of the shame, the guilt, and other people’s expectations of the way I should look.
I learned that the only thing that really had to change was my perspective.
I discovered parts of my soul that had been buried for a long time.
Most importantly, I learned to respect and love myself, just as I am.
Let Me Help You Gain Body Confidence
Above all, I understand how limiting and detrimental the opinion we have of ourselves can be. You don’t have to be a prisoner to the pain. Strip away the layers that are holding you back and let me help you discover your Brazenly Beautiful soul.
Brazenly Beautiful LLC : Mission Statement
and transform the
way women feel about
their bodies and themselves.
Find out why the world needs body confidence in my latest post.